Lavender Lover
by PANDA Qiao
Summary: Lara Jean, Peter Kavinsky. He was popular, she was not - but, hey, she couldn't care less about a dumb jock. When she finds herself attending a grief support group over the recent death of her mother, the last thing she expected to see was a certain somebody else there...


_Summary: Lara Jean, Peter Kavinsky. He was popular, she was not - but, hey, she couldn't care less about a dumb jock. When she finds herself attending a grief support group over the recent death of her mother, the last thing she expected to see was a certain somebody else there..._

 **a/n: hey guys! My first multi-chapter TATBILB fanfic, enjoy :-)**

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 ** _\- Chapter 1 -_**

 ** _x_**

* * *

''Lara Jean!''

The soft chirps of blackbirds filled her head like water to an outstretched hand: cool and peaceful, with a drop of serendipity mixed in for good measure.

 _''I'll always love you, honey. Don't ever forget that.''_

 _''Be strong, mom. We need you. You can't leave us.''_

 _''Honey, I'm sorry.''_

''Lara Jean!''

But before she knew it, the water leaked through her fingers.

''Earth to Lara Jean! Are you listening to me?''

Once again the sounds of the chatter in the outdoor cafeteria encase her and, perhaps in a moment of frustration, she groaned and put her head down onto the table.

The sun was burning into her back (she mildly felt like a beef patty on a barbecue grill - the cutest beef patty, of course) and her best friend's calls were doing nothing else than bothering her.

''Chris,'' she finally replied, lifting her head off the table. ''I said I don't want to go to the party.''

''Are you kidding me?'' The blonde-haired girl replied, blue eyes wide in confusion. ''This is, like, the biggest party of the year! Do you know how hard it was for me to get you an invite?''

Lara Jean rolled her eyes and smiled. "Wow, thanks, Chris. No need to remind me just how unpopular I am.''

''It's not that you're unpopular, per se...'' Chris said, pursing her lips to think of a way to phrase it nicely, ''but I guess you could do better. After all, have you seen your butt? And, girl, those lips are to die for.'

Recalling the creepy moment last year when Jonathon Leech from Chemistry said 'I want to eat your lips with a ketchup dip and a side order of fries,' Lara Jean raised her brows in amusement and nodded. ''Thanks, Chris. I'm absolutely flattered.''

 _''Pretty please? Or at least go on a date with me?''_

 _''Yeah...no thanks.''_

 _''Ok, what if I changed it to a mustard dip?''_

 _''I...what the hell?''_

She shuddered.

Granted, she knew she could put more effort into making friends and attending parties, but that lifestyle just wasn't for her.

Especially not now, anyway.

Casting her eyes down at her hands solemnly, Lara Jean pulled the sleeves of her jumper over her hands and sniffled.

''Look,'' Chris softly said, placing a cold hand on Lara's Jean's warm one with such tenderness that Lara Jean momentarily stilled in shock. ''I know your mom just died, but we can't have you locking yourself away and not talking to anyone. It's not healthy.''

Lara Jean stared down at their hands and gulped. Her heart began to pound.

''I'm sorry your mom passed away and I'm sorry the doctors couldn't find a cure, but she wouldn't want to see you like this. She would want you to be happy and make friends and...and all that jazz.''

Brown eyes piercing into blue, Lara Jean felt the tugs of a genuine smile for the first time in weeks.

''Fine,'' Lara Jean finally said, ''you're right. Let's go to that party tonight.''

Chris grinned and grabbed her backpack from the table.

''That's my girl. Anyway, I gotta run to Subway - I'm absolutely craving their cookies.''

Lara Jean laughed and took another bite from her pasta. ''Alright, I'll see you tonight then?''

''Yeah, I'll come to yours to get ready. See ya!''

Lara Jean waved her friend off with a smile on her face.

With Chris' slender silhouette blending into the crowd of students, Lara Jean relaxed and took a deep breath; pretending to be fine and wearing a (half-hearted, but still) smile day-to-day really took the energy out of her.

When her mother passed away a month ago, she began to fully understand the true meaning of heartbreak. She had read about it in books and watched it unfold in films, but she never realised how raw it was in real life. It was as though depression and sadness and all the other synonyms that came along with them made a pact to bundle themselves together in a heavy ball and sit on her shoulders, refusing to leave - even when she was on her bed, broken and tired from all the crying.

Kitty was an absolute angel, making sure she had enough cupcakes to eat to her heart's content - but she had no appetite to eat anything (she had lost almost 6 pounds in the last week) and seeing Kitty, her 10-year-old sister, keep such a brave face for her when she too was hurting was just unbearable for Lara Jean.

It made her feel even more weak as a role model for her.

And then, there was Margot: usually a brave and strong girl from the outside, but Lara Jean knew she was just as devastated as everyone else. When Margot came to visit from Scotland, Lara Jean could hear her softly sobbing from the confines of her room.

 **Ping!**

Sighing, she grabbed her phone and opened up the home screen.

 ** _From Kitty 3_**

 ** _I made some chocolate cupcakes today ! I know u usually prefer red velvet, but the shop was out of red food dye :-( ill go again next week-_**

''Gross. You shouldn't be allowed in public looking like that.''

Lara Jean blinked in confusion and looked up.

''Like, seriously. Do you even own a hairbrush?''

 _Great, if it isn't the Queen Bitc- I mean Queen Bee of Adler High School._

Staring at each other uneasily, Lara Jean broke the silence with a small, ''Can I help you, Gen?''

I really do not need her shit right now. Not now, not ever.

Oh, how to describe Genevieve Booker, the 'princess' of Adler High School. Pretty, sophisticated, loaded with money and, as much as Lara Jean tried to deny it, she also had a cute boyfriend.

Oh, and she was a down-right bitch.

''Seriously, have you not washed your hair in, like, a month?''

Yep, still a bitch.

''No, I haven't,'' Lara Jean replied sarcastically. ''But you look like you haven't washed yours in a year.''

Gen's brow furrowed in annoyance and she put her hand on her hip. ''Excuse me? Do you know who you're talking to?''

''The biggest bitch in the school?'' Lara Jean replied, an innocent smile on her face.

 _More like the biggest bitch in the state._

''Whatever,'' Gen flipped her golden hair behind her slender shoulders and pouted, ''just thought I'd let you know. After all, I like to help the homeless.''

She gave Lara Jean one last glare before strutting off onto a table in the corner, which Lara Jean could see was filled with the popular of the popular jocks and cheerleaders.

She watched as Gen walked up behind the aforementioned cute boyfriend and biggest jock of the school, Peter Kavinsky, and wrap her arms tight around his neck. He turned around and planted a firm kiss on her lips.

 _How do dumb people like that even find each other?_ Lara Jean mused, a sly smile on her face. _They deserve each other._

Although she had never spoken or even really made eye contact with Peter Kavinsky before (unless you count that one time she fell right in front of him and almost face planted him in English class), she was sure he was just as thick and uninteresting as his boring girlfriend.

Suddenly, he looked up in her direction and caught her gaze.

Her smile dropped from her face as she watched him watch her.

One...

His hazel eyes locked on hers.

Two...

Gen tries to pull his face over to kiss him, but he's resisting.

Three...

A whole three seconds passed before he broke the stare and wrapped his arm around Gen, already engrossed in a conversation with another cheerleader.

She let out a deep breath and loosened the grip on her phone.

 _Man, I really need to get more sleep._

She let go of her phone and raised a brow when she saw that she had held her phone so tightly, her Hello Kitty glitter phone case had made dents in her palm.

''Okay, Lara Jean,'' she whispered to herself, ''you are really losing it. Did you seriously get all nervous because some dumb jock looked at you?'' Suddenly she stopped, and put her head in her hands. ''Great, now you're talking to yourself - damn it, you did it again.''

She quickly scoffed down the last of her pasta, careful not to make any eye contact with anyone else within the nearest 10 metres, put her lunchbox away and headed to class.

* * *

''Dad, I'm home!''

She ran into her house and walked right over to where her dad was sitting in the living room, a newspaper clutched tightly in his hands.

''Welcome home, Lara Jean.''

She planted a kiss on his cheek. ''How was your day?''

''Good, and how was yours?''

Lara Jean recalled the moment where she had encountered Gen and rolled her eyes. ''Same old, I guess.''

''Someone dampened your mood?'' He chuckled, looking up from his newspaper.

''I guess you could say that...''

''Lara Jean, you're home!'' Kitty called from the kitchen, whipping her head round the door. ''Come look at the cupcakes I made!''

Her father chuckled and peered over at his youngest daughter, still caked in cake. Literally. Her brown hair was matted with egg and smears of chocolate icing were painted over her cheeks.

Lara Jean giggled and walked over to Kitty. ''I thought you were supposed to be off school sick today?''

The way Kitty came downstairs that morning claiming to have a migraine and stomach pains was worthy of an Oscar performance, Lara Jean thought.

' _'I can't go to school ever again! This headache is soooo bad!''_

 _''Kitty, at least make it believable!''_

''Yeah...'' Kitty said, rolling her eyes, ''which is a perfect opportunity to make cake.''

Lara Jean nodded, ''Of course. Sorry, I should've known that.''

''Everyone knows that,'' her dad called playfully, peering over at his two daughters huddled in the kitchen.

''And has Margot called today?'' Lara Jean asked through a mouthful of cupcake.

Kitty shook her head. ''Not yet, I think she said she going on a date or something.''

Lara Jean raised a brow in surprise and swallowed slowly. ''Interesting.''

Ever since Margot broke up with Josh, their next-door-neighbour, a few months before their mom died, Lara Jean had been put into a tricky predicament.

On one hand, she totally respected her sister's decision to call it quits with him - after all, she moved to a completely different continent, but on the other hand...

 _''But...we can still be friends, right?''_

 _''Of course! Just because Margot dumped you doesn't mean we can't still be friends.''_

 _Green eyes meet brown, and suddenly she finds it hard to breathe._

 _''Lara Jean, I...''_

 _Her breathing gets faster. ''What?''_

 _''I've always...''_

 _He reaches for her hand and her eyes widen._

 _''I think you know what I'm about to say.''_

 _She sees the expression on his face and pictures the one thousand and one reasons why this is all so, so wrong._

 _''I-I have to go and..uh, water the...plants? Bye!'_ '

Lara Jean nodded slowly and reached for another cupcake. ''Well, I'm going to take a nap. I'm going to a party with Gen tonight.''

''You? Going to a party?'' Kitty gasped, cupcake halfway into her mouth. ''Really?''

Lara Jean nodded and laughed. ''Yep.''

''Really?'' She heard her dad call from the living room.

''Guys, seriously,'' she laughed and walked out of the kitchen and shot her dad a playful look as she went upstairs.

Once she was in the safe space of her own bedroom, she threw her backpack down onto the floor and collapsed onto the bed. She glanced at her watch and figured she could have a few hours sleep before Chris arrived.

Falling asleep was a piece of cake (mmmm, cake) and before she knew it, someone was poking at her ribs.

''Ow!'' Lara Jean mumbled in pain, ''Let go of me, I won't surrender my carrot cake!''

''Seriously, LJ? You're dreaming about carrot cake?''

Cracking one eye open, she could make out a thin figure in the darkness of her room peering over her.

''Chris?''

''Get up, sleepyhead. We have two hours before the party starts and you need to fix that bedhead of yours.''

''T-thanks...''

First Gen, now her beloved Chris: was her hair really that bad today?

''So, I need to pick out an outfit for you tonight,'' Chris announced, switching on the light and flinging Lara Jean's wardrobe doors open. Lara Jean winced as Chris began to rummage through her clothes like a broke girl at a Louis Vuitton sale.

''I'll just wear jeans and a top,'' Lara Jean yawned, snuggling deeper into her bed. ''No bother.''

''Uh, hello? Jeans and a top? That is so 2003.'' Chris chastised and pulled out some denim shorts.

''But you're dressed well enough for the both of us,'' Lara Jean mumbled, pointing at Chris' denim skirt and glittery top combo. ''And I'm not that fashion-conscientious, anyway. No one notices me.''

That was true. She vividly remembered one instance a few years back where someone actually mistook her as a coat rack. Then the next week, she almost got ran over by a car because, quote the driver, ''Your coat blended in with the road.''

" _But my coat is bright pink...''_

 _''Yeah, sorry, sweetheart."_

Yeah, 2014 was a strange year.

''Which is why I'm here,'' Chris giggled. ''Here,'' she threw some pink material in Lara Jean's general direction. ''Try this.''

An hour and a half later of many, many different outfits and mascara, lipstick, eyebrows, foundation, and everything else that Lara Jean could only call magic later, Chris announced they were finally ready.

''Hot to trot, LJ,'' Chris giggled as Lara Jean admired herself in the mirror. ''I must say, I am impressed with my handiwork.''

Lara Jean nervously approached the mirror and almost gasped when she saw the girl staring back at her. She tilted her head to the side, and the girl with the pristine makeup, edgy clothes and long legs stared back at her.

Chris had contoured her face so that her cheekbones and jawline almost seemed to pop out under the dim lighting of her room. The leather jacket, mustard crop top and denim shorts hugged her figure and showed off her tanned legs.

''I...I...''

''You're hot,'' Chris laughed. ''And you're ready to party.'' She grabbed Lara Jean's hand. ''Leggo.''

The girls excitedly bounded down the stairs and grabbed some lemonade bottles from the fridge in the kitchen.

''Looking fashionable, Lara Jean.'' Her dad said as she shut the fridge door. ''Did Chris help you with that?''

''Of course she did,'' Kitty said as she looked up from her book. ''Lara Jean could never pull this off herself.''

''Whatever,'' Lara Jean rolled her eyes as Chris gave Kitty a high five. ''We're going now.''

''Have fun, honey!'' Her father said, ''Don't come home too late.''

Giving Kitty a quick peck on the cheek before she left, Lara Jean shut the front door carefully behind her and turned to Chris with a huge grin on her face. Chris' blue eyes were gleaming with anticipation and it was beginning to rub off on Lara Jean.

''I'm actually really excited, Chris.''

''Good,'' Chris replied, walking over to her car, ''You deserve-''

''Lara Jean?''

 _Fuck._

 _Well, I guess Jesus didn't want me to deserve anything good._

And juuust when she thought she could forget her worries for once...

Both girls stopped dead in their tracks and turned to find none other than a certain next-door-neighbour staring at them.

Well, Lara Jean specifically.

''J-Josh,'' Lara Jean bit out. ''H-Hi.'' She stared at the groceries in his hand and nodded. ''You went grocery shopping.''

 _Wow. Real lame, Lara Jean. Real lame._

He nodded and hesitated for a moment. ''Yeah. You look...great.''

''Oh, this?'' She quickly said, looking down and sheepishly smoothing out her skirt. ''I'm going out.''

''All fashion and makeup creds go to me,'' Chris butted in with a grin. ''You're welcome.''

It seemed as though Josh was going to say something else, but the guilt burned up inside Lara Jean they both stared at each other with, undoubtedly, awkward sexual tension between the two of them. She quickly grabbed Chris' hand and ran over to her car.

''Well, see ya round and enjoy your bread!'' She called, practically pushing Chris into the car.

''Wait, wait, LJ,'' Chris said in confusion when she almost fell onto the steering wheel, ''what was that about? 'Enjoy your bread?'''

''Nothing! Nothing!'' Lara Jean squeaked. ''I'm just...so excited! For...the party. Yes. Much excite. Very excite. And he had a baguette sticking out of the bag.''

Chris narrowed her eyes at her erratic behaviour and shrugged her shoulders and started the car engine.

''Whatever. Let's go.''

Once the engine started, Lara Jean sighed, a big weight lifting off her chest, and made sure not to look back at her house when they drove out of the driveway.

* * *

The sound of music pulsated through the walls of the house (which, by the way, did people really live in houses this nice?) and Lara Jean found herself awkwardly standing in a corner with a glass of orange juice - yes, orange juice - in her hand. Chris had left to talk to a boy she had been messaging for the last few weeks and the two looked cosy as they sat on the couch together.

As she looked away, she spotted someone she vaguely recognised standing at the punch bowl.

She looked away, but then looked back again.

Perhaps out of curiosity, complete boredom, or just the buzz of being at a party in general, she found herself walking over to the silhouette and leaned against the punch table.

''Hey,'' she said smoothly, clearing her throat. ''Do...Do I know you?''

The boy stopped in surprise upon hearing her voice and turned to look at her.

When their eyes met, both parties let out an audible gasp.

''Lara Jean?''

She raised her brows in shock and gasped. ''Oh my god, Lucas? You're Lucas right?''

''Yeah!'' He laughed, putting his drink down and pulling her in for a hug. ''Lara Jean! I swear I haven't seen you since like, what, freshman year?''

She giggled and hugged him back. He smelled like pears and vanilla. ''It's been a while. I haven't seen you round school lately?''

He nodded and sighed. ''Well, I was ill for a while so I had to take time out from school.'' He looked at her and winked. "I'm back now for good, though.''

''Oh, I'm sorry,'' she frowned and placed an arm on his shoulder. ''But it's good that you're back.''

''So who did you come with?'' He asked. ''And you look good. You glowed up, Covey!''

She laughed and rolled her eyes. ''Thanks, but I definitely do not look like this on a reg. I came with...'' Lara Jean scanned the room and pointed to a kissing couple on the sofa, ''with Chris.''

Lucas looked over and nodded. ''Ah, Chris. You're best friends, right?''

'Yeah.''

''You wanna go somewhere quieter? I can't really hear you.''

''Sure, of course.''

The next few hours passed in a blur as she caught up with Lucas over a vodka lemonade (hey, she was stressed) and eventually she found herself sitting with Lucas at the bottom of the stairs, a tissue in her hand as she spilled her drunken guts to him.

''And what am I supposed to do now?'' She softly wailed, dabbing at a fresh tear on her cheek. ''My mom's dead and I have a crush on my sister's ex-boyfriend. I am officially the worst person ever.''

''Hey, hey, Lara Jean,'' he wrapped a warm arm around her shoulders. ''It's not your fault. You can't help how you feel.''

''I-I know, but,'' she hiccuped, ''I can't even bring myself to talk to Margot or Josh. I feel like I betrayed them both even though I didn't do anything.''

''Exactly! You didn't do anything.''

She sniffed and looked down at her knees. ''I guess. But I'm just sad all the time, you know? Chris had to beg to get me to come out tonight. Ever since mom died, my whole life has been an emotional mess. I can't think straight, I can't really do anything without breaking down, I...''

''Hey,'' Lucas said softly, squeezing her shoulder in reassurance. ''Have you ever tried support group therapy?''

She looked up and him and sniffled. ''What do you mean?''

''Well,'' he began, ''when my uncle died, my mom didn't accept it at first. She sort of went...crazy, you know? Not eating, not going to work, the likes. Dad suggested she try one of those group counselling sessions to deal with the grief and it really helped her get through it.''

Lara Jean bit her lip and nodded slowly. ''Group counselling session, huh?''

She watched as people passed them in their drunken states, the smell of alcohol hitting her nose every time they got too close.

Hey, she had nothing to lose. It would beat sitting on her ass all day and moping.

''You know, I think I'll give it a try. Thank you, Lucas.''

He smiled. ''You're welcome Lara Jean.''

The pair shared a moment of welcomed silence and Lara Jean began to stand up.

''I should get going, Chris-''

Suddenly, something hard bumped into her.

''I'm fucking done with you, Peter!''

''Gen, wait!''

Lara Jean grabbed onto the steps above to stop herself from falling right onto Lucas.

''Woah!'' She gasped, carefully standing up again. '' Sorry about that-''

''I've told you not to like other girls' instagram photos before and you completely ignored it!''

''Gen, are you serious? That girl is my freakin' cousin!''

''Don't fucking lie to me.''

''What? You've seen her at my family dinners before.''

Lucas and Lara Jean looked at each other in confusion and peered round the side of the staircase. An angry Gen and Peter were arguing by the front door.

''Babe, seriously,'' he sighed, taking her wrist. ''Just listen to me.''

''I'm done, Peter. I found someone else anyway.''

Lucas and Lara Jean winced and sat back down on the stairs.

''Wow, Gen. Cold much.'' Lara Jean mumbled.

''I wouldn't worry about it,'' Lucas rolled his eyes and took another sip of his coke and lemonade. ''She does this all the time to him. They'll be back together by tomorrow.''

Lara Jean frowned and peered over at Peter's heartbroken expression.

She almost felt...sorry for him-

'Almost' being the keyword.

''Anyways, I gotta get going but, it was nice catching up with you, Lara Jean. We should hang out sometime.''

''Yeah, totally. I'm gonna go find Chris anyway and get out of here.''

The two hugged and Lara Jean watched as his back disappeared into the hoards of dancing people.

When an empty beer can flew across her face and almost clipped her on the nose, she decided that she had to find Chris and get the hell out of there.

Walking into the kitchen, she found her pouring herself some coke near the sink.

''Hey, Chris, can we go home now? I'm like, super tired.''

Chris looked up and smiled. ''Oh, good. I was going to get you a while ago, but you looked busy talking to Lucas.'' She wiggled her brows suggestively.

Lara Jean laughed and leaned onto the kitchen counter. ''He's gay.''

Chris widened her eyes and took a sip of her coke. ''No way! I didn't know that.''

''Yeah, we basically told each other our whole life stories tonight,'' she giggled and stole a sip from Chris' cup. ''He's got a boyfriend in Atlanta.''

Chris chuckled and grabbed her bag from the kitchen table. ''Great, now let's get out of here and sleep for two days.''

They managed to elbow their way out of the small crowd in the kitchen and made their way to the front door.

Lara Jean glanced at the two figures sitting where she and Lucas had just been only minutes before and raised a brow.

 _Peter and Gen are still here._

Lara Jean grabbed the door handle and the rush of cold air hit her in the face like a bullet in the back. As she winced and made her way out, she turned back to talk to Chris, but found herself making direct eye contact with none other than Peter Kavinsky. Again.

Only this time, it was evident his eyes were red from crying.

She momentarily stilled and stared into his woeful gaze.

 _One..._

 _Two..._

 _Thr-_

''Come on, LJ!'' Chris whined, pushing Lara Jean out the door and out of Peter's line of sight. ''I'm tired!''

Lara Jean stumbled out the front door and into the front yard, where she realised by then, Chris had already started running to her car.

''Hey, hold up, Chris!''

Lara Jean got into the car and sighed when the warmth of the car heating began to work.

''I hope I don't get pulled over for speeding,'' Chris laughed with a yawn. ''I only have 34 dollars in my bank account. Hey, you reckon they'd take doughnuts as payment?''

The drive home was mostly silent, for both girls could sleep for the entire U.S.A for a week, and Lara Jean had never been more grateful when she saw her house come into view.

''So, see you Monday at school?'' Chris asked, yawning.

''Yeah, thanks for the ride. See you Monday!''

Lara Jean shut the door with a loud bang and began to run up her driveway. In her haste, she dropped her house keys and phone.

''Oh, sugar,'' she muttered, bending down to pick her things up. After retrieving her items, she looked up and noticed the light's to Josh's bedroom was on.

 _Oh, god. I almost forgot about him._

She didn't know whether the loud heart-beating and face-flushing was from the alcohol or the fact that she realised Josh was still awake, but she quickly rid the thoughts from her head and walked to her front door.

She needed a sleep long enough to forget everything.

* * *

 **a/n: hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review x**


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